Sunday, October 28, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
hey, girls! jesus keeps trying to get me to post some shit here, but i always seem to find alternatives. it's not because there're people out there dying to read what i write, or it's not that what i write is dripping with brilliance or anything of that nature. it's just that some stuff needs to make it out of me so i can make some room for some new stuffs.
thematic-me has been pondering my ancestors a lot recently. like, i want to know more about their lives. what they did everyday. how they felt. what were their passions. what were their relationships with one another like? and i realize there's not that many people left who can answer my questinos. perhaps, there's no one left. there's no one alive that i know of who knew of my great-great grandma's relationship with her mom. i'm assuming it was close-ish, because she died in my great-great grandma's home.
and i want to know about my great-grandma. i want to know if that's where it started, because it seems like a probable source to me, but i don't want to not give her credit where credit is due.
then on the other side, what was life like in the hills of kentucky a hundred years ago? my paternal grandma was a wee baby then. she was maybe the third or fourth child born to my great-grandparents. i want to know these things. these things are a part of my story. a part of the make-up of me.
i'm also reading a really awesome book that i highly recommend, even though most of you have already read it because it's been out and about for ten years. i never catch on to good books until they've been around for a good little bit and everyone else test drives them for me. the book, by the way, is midwives. my dad's paternal grandmother, i understand, was a midwife back in the day. i know that's a whole other story, though.
cephie's b-day is coming up next month. i think we're going to have a part-ay with all his little friends eating "cake" while wearing beautiful cone-shaped hats. yeah.
i want to get myself one of them there digital camcorders because i want to make me some films. not dirty ones, though. but that could be fun. i just want to do fun stuff with jesus and stuff. sometimes i can be so weird.
two of my very good friends are coming to my house today at 2. we're going to do stuff and stuff. then we're going to go do other stuff. then we may go out to eat when my hewkie bear gets off work. sigh.
thematic-me has been pondering my ancestors a lot recently. like, i want to know more about their lives. what they did everyday. how they felt. what were their passions. what were their relationships with one another like? and i realize there's not that many people left who can answer my questinos. perhaps, there's no one left. there's no one alive that i know of who knew of my great-great grandma's relationship with her mom. i'm assuming it was close-ish, because she died in my great-great grandma's home.
and i want to know about my great-grandma. i want to know if that's where it started, because it seems like a probable source to me, but i don't want to not give her credit where credit is due.
then on the other side, what was life like in the hills of kentucky a hundred years ago? my paternal grandma was a wee baby then. she was maybe the third or fourth child born to my great-grandparents. i want to know these things. these things are a part of my story. a part of the make-up of me.
i'm also reading a really awesome book that i highly recommend, even though most of you have already read it because it's been out and about for ten years. i never catch on to good books until they've been around for a good little bit and everyone else test drives them for me. the book, by the way, is midwives. my dad's paternal grandmother, i understand, was a midwife back in the day. i know that's a whole other story, though.
cephie's b-day is coming up next month. i think we're going to have a part-ay with all his little friends eating "cake" while wearing beautiful cone-shaped hats. yeah.
i want to get myself one of them there digital camcorders because i want to make me some films. not dirty ones, though. but that could be fun. i just want to do fun stuff with jesus and stuff. sometimes i can be so weird.
two of my very good friends are coming to my house today at 2. we're going to do stuff and stuff. then we're going to go do other stuff. then we may go out to eat when my hewkie bear gets off work. sigh.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
we headed out last night really just to go grocery shopping and to buy a few other necessities. we ended up all over town, shopping for clothes and other things as well. i bought a micro-seude comforter for our bed just because it felt really nice, and just because i wanted to splurge just a little. nick bought new sheets to go with. they're 500 thread count and blessed by jesus himself. they just make me want to lie in bed all day. they're that fucking awesome!
i think that's it. i was going to tell you about how i was so fucking tired yesterday, i couldn't seem to do shit. but that's all passed now, and i have to do stuff today. i have lots of stuff that has to be done today. for schools. and shit.
i think that's it. i was going to tell you about how i was so fucking tired yesterday, i couldn't seem to do shit. but that's all passed now, and i have to do stuff today. i have lots of stuff that has to be done today. for schools. and shit.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
evenings i'm always so tired from making it through the day. it's more draining to deal with the adults than it is to deal with the kids. in fact, the worst of kids always gives a little more than he takes. you can't say that of most adults.
anyway, the new school year is off to a pretty nice start. this year, i'm doing something different with writing. i went to a workshop that showed me the probable value in just getting the kids to write everyday, while "toying" with different aspects of the writing process. that should carry over to my own writing, which i do very little of these days.
i'm thinking again about discipline...about "toying" with different aspects of writing everyday...about exercising everyday. i'm sure that beau wouldn't complain too much about a trip to the cemetary every evening.
that'd help with the exhaustion-thing, too, i'm sure. my newish christian friend keeps telling me about approval addiction, but who the fuck doesn't have a goddamned, mutherfucking addiction to approval? ain't it almost a natural part of who we are? afterall, what the fuck happens to babies that don't receive approval? they fucking die! i'm not sure.
i feel some relevance in it, but i'm too tired to explore. let's explore excuses then. excuses to live, to breathe, to fuck, to eat, to rest, to drive, to teach, to be fucked, don't we all have excuses?
and prejudices. i cannot hate patricia heaton because she's such a motherfucking conservative piece of shit, can i? what the motherfuck does it do to enhance my life or the life of others?
i think i'm going to buy rosi o's new book when it comes out on october 2. i should be richish by then anyway. then i can afford shelby. and my new car. not really. my plan is also to become a bit more of a responsible adult anyway. responsible adults save for rainy days. and snowy days. and non-perfect days.
shelby had vagina surgery last tuesday. i meant to tell you that, but i was too lazy. or too tired. or too full of excuses. her stitches come out next tuesday. she's cute as fuck. beau got his mustache removed, and he's being annoying right now. he keeps barking out the window and stuff.
i need a new book to read. i need to locate my mother effing i pod. well. i need to go participate.
chow. or ciao. or fuck off. or whatever gets you off.
anyway, the new school year is off to a pretty nice start. this year, i'm doing something different with writing. i went to a workshop that showed me the probable value in just getting the kids to write everyday, while "toying" with different aspects of the writing process. that should carry over to my own writing, which i do very little of these days.
i'm thinking again about discipline...about "toying" with different aspects of writing everyday...about exercising everyday. i'm sure that beau wouldn't complain too much about a trip to the cemetary every evening.
that'd help with the exhaustion-thing, too, i'm sure. my newish christian friend keeps telling me about approval addiction, but who the fuck doesn't have a goddamned, mutherfucking addiction to approval? ain't it almost a natural part of who we are? afterall, what the fuck happens to babies that don't receive approval? they fucking die! i'm not sure.
i feel some relevance in it, but i'm too tired to explore. let's explore excuses then. excuses to live, to breathe, to fuck, to eat, to rest, to drive, to teach, to be fucked, don't we all have excuses?
and prejudices. i cannot hate patricia heaton because she's such a motherfucking conservative piece of shit, can i? what the motherfuck does it do to enhance my life or the life of others?
i think i'm going to buy rosi o's new book when it comes out on october 2. i should be richish by then anyway. then i can afford shelby. and my new car. not really. my plan is also to become a bit more of a responsible adult anyway. responsible adults save for rainy days. and snowy days. and non-perfect days.
shelby had vagina surgery last tuesday. i meant to tell you that, but i was too lazy. or too tired. or too full of excuses. her stitches come out next tuesday. she's cute as fuck. beau got his mustache removed, and he's being annoying right now. he keeps barking out the window and stuff.
i need a new book to read. i need to locate my mother effing i pod. well. i need to go participate.
chow. or ciao. or fuck off. or whatever gets you off.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
i highly recommend the movie, hairspray! we saw it this past weekend, and i have to say that it's the best movie i've seen in a really long time! yes, i said the best! we were a little leary about the remake of a classic, but the new version takes nothing away from the old, and it stands quite nicely on its own two feet! the casting was perfect: michelle pfeiffer and queen latifah were FIERCE! zac efron was DREAMY! john travolta was PHENOMENAL! nikki blonsky was PERFECT! ...and it was great to see a big portion of the original cast make cameos...even john waters! go see it! now!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Sunday, July 15, 2007
I think we choose peace. In the middle of hell, we can still feel peace, if we choose to do so. And we try really hard. That's all. For now. =)
Monday, July 09, 2007
Today—yesterday, really—has been an interesting day.
I found out that mylastname should not be my last name. I'm pretty sure that it should be Johnson, instead. I think I may have mentioned that I've really gotten into genealogy this summer? Well, it turns out that one of my great-grandmothers really liked the wang. She had kids by AT LEAST four different men! ...And this was between 1900 and about 1918. I probably shouldn't make her out to be such a trollop since I never knew the woman. I'm sure that she had her reasons, though—as most people do.
Here's the story, in case you're interested: Around 1900, she married a guy name Elihu mylastname, and they had a daughter. (My great-grandmother was only 16 at this time.) They were divorced, and Elihu had married another child (who was only 13 and pregnant at the time of marriage) around 1905. My great-grandmother then kept her married name until she married again around 1915. In the meantime, she had (at least) three other children—one of whom happened to be my grandpa. Since her last name was still mylastname, that's the last name my grandpa got. Through family "whispers", I've now learned that my grandpa's father's last name was actually Johnson. I have the "Johnson" (LOL) narrowed down, now, to about five or six lads. Anyway... I think it's rather interesting to think that my last name probably really is (or really should be) Johnson.
Also today—or yesterday—Nick and I decided to be really gay and highlight our hairs. Well, we went to Kroger and bought the shit, and we came back and started. When we were finished with Nick for the first time, he looked like a fucking zebra—no lie! I look like some poor white trash homo with a home-job dye-job. It's mothereffing disgusting!
Our home is now, also, officially a zoo. If you'd like to visit, contact me for admission rates! Last week while we were in Columbus, I bought a fiddler crab for our aquarium. A few days later, while researching correct care for fiddler crabs, I found that they are not supposed to be kept fully immersed...and they're not supposed to be kept in freshwater. So I headed out to the pet store and bought the supplies to set up our 10-gallon tank for our crab. While I was there, I discovered that they also had fiddler crabs—and these were set up in the correct way! ...Except they didn't have brackish water in their tank, which is another tale, but anyway.... I bought three of their female fiddler crabs for my male fiddler crab, but when I arrived at home, I discovered that he'd left for crab heaven. So now the three lezzies are alone in the tank, and they're just dying for some big crab wang. I'll have to make another purchase soon. It'd be neat if they came in all different colors, wouldn't it?
Oh! Back to the zoo-thing: We have the three fiddler crabs, a 55-gallon tank full of various fish, a 5-gallon tank with a goldfish, two hamsters, two cats, and two dogs. It's neatish. I like having them all!
Also! Yay! I finished up my first graduate-level course at the end of last month, and I earned an A! That makes me smile. I'm now taking my second course, and I have only eight more to go after this one until I have my Master's! Then it's off to PhD school. You can call me Doc Johnson!
Later, y'all!
"i've got a mind, and i'll make it.
I found out that mylastname should not be my last name. I'm pretty sure that it should be Johnson, instead. I think I may have mentioned that I've really gotten into genealogy this summer? Well, it turns out that one of my great-grandmothers really liked the wang. She had kids by AT LEAST four different men! ...And this was between 1900 and about 1918. I probably shouldn't make her out to be such a trollop since I never knew the woman. I'm sure that she had her reasons, though—as most people do.
Here's the story, in case you're interested: Around 1900, she married a guy name Elihu mylastname, and they had a daughter. (My great-grandmother was only 16 at this time.) They were divorced, and Elihu had married another child (who was only 13 and pregnant at the time of marriage) around 1905. My great-grandmother then kept her married name until she married again around 1915. In the meantime, she had (at least) three other children—one of whom happened to be my grandpa. Since her last name was still mylastname, that's the last name my grandpa got. Through family "whispers", I've now learned that my grandpa's father's last name was actually Johnson. I have the "Johnson" (LOL) narrowed down, now, to about five or six lads. Anyway... I think it's rather interesting to think that my last name probably really is (or really should be) Johnson.
Also today—or yesterday—Nick and I decided to be really gay and highlight our hairs. Well, we went to Kroger and bought the shit, and we came back and started. When we were finished with Nick for the first time, he looked like a fucking zebra—no lie! I look like some poor white trash homo with a home-job dye-job. It's mothereffing disgusting!
Our home is now, also, officially a zoo. If you'd like to visit, contact me for admission rates! Last week while we were in Columbus, I bought a fiddler crab for our aquarium. A few days later, while researching correct care for fiddler crabs, I found that they are not supposed to be kept fully immersed...and they're not supposed to be kept in freshwater. So I headed out to the pet store and bought the supplies to set up our 10-gallon tank for our crab. While I was there, I discovered that they also had fiddler crabs—and these were set up in the correct way! ...Except they didn't have brackish water in their tank, which is another tale, but anyway.... I bought three of their female fiddler crabs for my male fiddler crab, but when I arrived at home, I discovered that he'd left for crab heaven. So now the three lezzies are alone in the tank, and they're just dying for some big crab wang. I'll have to make another purchase soon. It'd be neat if they came in all different colors, wouldn't it?
Oh! Back to the zoo-thing: We have the three fiddler crabs, a 55-gallon tank full of various fish, a 5-gallon tank with a goldfish, two hamsters, two cats, and two dogs. It's neatish. I like having them all!
Also! Yay! I finished up my first graduate-level course at the end of last month, and I earned an A! That makes me smile. I'm now taking my second course, and I have only eight more to go after this one until I have my Master's! Then it's off to PhD school. You can call me Doc Johnson!
Later, y'all!
"i've got a mind, and i'll make it.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
We're having an awesome time...again! You really have to visit, if you haven't already done so. Even if you have been here before, it's a great place to be. Today we did a dolphin tour, and we saw many, many dolphins. The last picture above is three dolphins we saw on the tour, in case you needed help in deciphering the picture. While on the tour, we also saw Sandra Bullock's house. Maybe I'll post it for you later, cuz I know you're dying to see it, and you're jealous as hell that I saw it! We're thinking of going either parasailing or jet skiing tomorrow!
Like, our house is fucking fantastic! I want it. It has four bedrooms and three and a half baths. Nick and I have the master suite, and we have a jacuzzi tub in our private bath. We also have a private balcony. I think I would have been happy with any of the rooms, though. This house is beautiful! Hardwood floors downstairs. All stainless appliances in the HUGE kitchen. We've totally been enjoying cooking for everyone. On Sunday, we made our traditional southern breakfast: biscuits and gravy, sausage, scrambled eggs, and orange juice. And we ate it at a huge table for ten. There are ten of us here. Did I mention that?
I am missing my Shelby Sue and Cephie Marie, though. It seems that they're doing well with my aunt though. She took a vacation week off work just so she could watch them for us. Apparently, they chase her cats upstairs.
Tonite we had pizza. It was really, really good. I am sitting at the dining table drinking Smirnoff Twisted V (Watermelon), which I recommend, and Nick is sitting beside me playing some fucking game. My cousin is sitting in a chair watching some Lifetime movie. My Mama and Papa are in bed. The kids are in bed. Michelle is on the front porch....masturbating, probably.
Okay. Did I tell you that I got a super new cell phone, too? Nick and I did, like, a family plan and we got a really great deal. Our phones are MP3 players and cameras and shit. Okay. Nite, nite. Luff, luff!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
shelby spoke her first words today. seriously, we hadn't heard her bark at all until today. she has a new game she plays with beau. she gets under the couch and dares beau to come for her. he can't fit under the couch like she can, so she just laughs (barks) at him. it's so fucking cute i can't stand it!
today my dear friend christopher helped me begin to put together my family tree. it's rather exciting, as i already have lots of info. plus, he's going to help me find more! thanks a zillion christina aguilera!
that and school's out, school's out! teacher let the monkeys out! summer, here i come.
today my dear friend christopher helped me begin to put together my family tree. it's rather exciting, as i already have lots of info. plus, he's going to help me find more! thanks a zillion christina aguilera!
that and school's out, school's out! teacher let the monkeys out! summer, here i come.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
i had another revealing dream last nite, one that witnessed to what i really feel inside. i saw it on oprah, and i had an a-ha moment in my sleep. i think dreams are our feelings ripped apart down to their bare bones. what i felt in my dream is hiding under layers of numb. then i had another dream this morning after nick left, and i'm now considering another probable truth.
i have so fucking much to do, and i hate having so much shit to do on a day off. i have to wash bed clothes. i have to dry colored clothes. i have to put that shit away. i have to water the plants on the front porch. i have to clean the litterbox. i have to work on a couple posts for my master's work. i have to write a paper that's due tomorrow. i have to do lots and lots of end-of-the-year stuff because this coming week is the last week of school! =)
exactly two weeks from now, we'll be driving in our cars on our way to sa-va-nnah! driving with our friends on our way to sa-va-nnah! that happy makes me!
i have so fucking much to do, and i hate having so much shit to do on a day off. i have to wash bed clothes. i have to dry colored clothes. i have to put that shit away. i have to water the plants on the front porch. i have to clean the litterbox. i have to work on a couple posts for my master's work. i have to write a paper that's due tomorrow. i have to do lots and lots of end-of-the-year stuff because this coming week is the last week of school! =)
exactly two weeks from now, we'll be driving in our cars on our way to sa-va-nnah! driving with our friends on our way to sa-va-nnah! that happy makes me!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
I have officially submitted my first APA-formatted paper to the professor of my first class of my Master's program. Procrastination slowed me down some, but I made it! Now I just have to get ready to teach the children this week.... (Only two full weeks left!)
What else? My big accomplishment this morning was getting some blood work taken care of. My first doctor's appointment in years took place in March, and my doctor prescribed a couple medications for a couple issues, and she also ordered some blood work. I put the blood work off until this morning, and I am so glad it's over! My follow-up doctor's appointment (to see how the meds are working, etc.) is scheduled for next week so I couldn't very well put off the blood work for much longer any way.
Now I am going to do some housework and perhaps fix dinner, if I can find something fixable. Until next time: Touch yourself lots!
What else? My big accomplishment this morning was getting some blood work taken care of. My first doctor's appointment in years took place in March, and my doctor prescribed a couple medications for a couple issues, and she also ordered some blood work. I put the blood work off until this morning, and I am so glad it's over! My follow-up doctor's appointment (to see how the meds are working, etc.) is scheduled for next week so I couldn't very well put off the blood work for much longer any way.
Now I am going to do some housework and perhaps fix dinner, if I can find something fixable. Until next time: Touch yourself lots!
okay.... i got ahold of one of my moms who's also a very good friend of my very good friend, and she's on her way to columbus. she's hoping to get to see our friend. =) it sounds like she's going to be okay. she's recovered the memory she apparently lost shortly after the accident, and i think she's about to be released from the icu. anyway.... i know that if you're reading this, you probably don't know her, but please think good thoughts for her. she's a really awesome human being who's doing countless things to make the world a better place.
i just sat down to write about my amazing progress, but i got sidetracked reading some of my very old posts. (someday i want to figure out my blogger "anniversary" date. it can't be too far away from ten years.) anyway.... my cell phone rang, and i didn't get to it in time to answer it (or else i didn't want to talk to the person who was calling) so the caller left a message. it was another teacher from my school, telling me that my very good friend fell while roller blading last nite and she fractured her skull. scary stuff. i need to try and find my friend's husband's cell number to see if a can get ahold of him to find out what's going on.
my accomplishments about which i was going to write seem to pale in the shadow of my dear friend's injury.
i'll just have to tell you later.
my accomplishments about which i was going to write seem to pale in the shadow of my dear friend's injury.
i'll just have to tell you later.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Saturday, May 05, 2007
i don't ever recall having had a series of dreams that were thematically tied together as last nite's dreams were.
in my first dream, my (now-deceased) grandmother brought me (as a child) to my parents' home, but the home had been caught in the middle of renovation, and parts of the house was missing. i became very angry at my parents for providing such shoddy shelter, and so i ranted and i raved.
in my second dream, i was again a child and my mom was just returning from a trip she'd taken by herself. she returned with long, black hair. (my mom has ever had long hair.) she had returned with an altered appearance. her lip and her eyebrow had been pierced, and she alluded to the fact that she had other peircings as well. it also seemed that she'd been having some sort of lesbian love affair that had percipitated her evolution into this new person. again, i was very angry at my mom for not being the person i needed her to be.
in my third dream, i was once again an adult. nick and i lived in a different apartment than we do now, but we still had a roommate. i don't remember who the roommate was, but nick was telling this roommate all about the day he'd just had, and he was showing our roommate artifacts from the day, while not paying any attention to me. i got pissed off and locked myself into the bathroom. and i'm not sure if this dream continued as a dream of a dream or if it was just a dream. that is, it don't know if i dreamed i was having a nightmare or if i was really having a nightmare. but in any case, i was trying to yell in my sleep, and i was thinking that nick would wake me up from the nightmare, but he never did.
i had a fourth dream that may or may not have been a part of my third dream, but i'm not going to mention it here because it has the potential to do harm.
of course, the theme i'm talking about that united all these dreams was anger. but i think there's a bigger, more covert theme as well, and this is a lesson that life has been trying to teach me for awhile now. we cannot (and should not) depend on others to complete our emotional and spiritual lives. that is, we can't allow our emotional and spiritual well-being to be(come) dependent upon the actions of others.
in other news, i am so happy that we have only three full weeks of school left. we have vacation coming up shortly after school ends! and i'm ready to use the summer to work on my master's, as well as to make plans for our next school year. we tested for most of the week last week, and we took a really great field trip yesterday. it was really cool to have nick along, too! =) (i love my hookie pook!) one of the parents unexpectedly bought me an eco-sphere, and i absolutely love it! cephie got a haircut last week. he looks like such a gay little man, too! i love my cephie! i'm going to go bathe him in little bit. i'll post a pic of him and his new haircut soon!
in the meantime, love, me.
in my first dream, my (now-deceased) grandmother brought me (as a child) to my parents' home, but the home had been caught in the middle of renovation, and parts of the house was missing. i became very angry at my parents for providing such shoddy shelter, and so i ranted and i raved.
in my second dream, i was again a child and my mom was just returning from a trip she'd taken by herself. she returned with long, black hair. (my mom has ever had long hair.) she had returned with an altered appearance. her lip and her eyebrow had been pierced, and she alluded to the fact that she had other peircings as well. it also seemed that she'd been having some sort of lesbian love affair that had percipitated her evolution into this new person. again, i was very angry at my mom for not being the person i needed her to be.
in my third dream, i was once again an adult. nick and i lived in a different apartment than we do now, but we still had a roommate. i don't remember who the roommate was, but nick was telling this roommate all about the day he'd just had, and he was showing our roommate artifacts from the day, while not paying any attention to me. i got pissed off and locked myself into the bathroom. and i'm not sure if this dream continued as a dream of a dream or if it was just a dream. that is, it don't know if i dreamed i was having a nightmare or if i was really having a nightmare. but in any case, i was trying to yell in my sleep, and i was thinking that nick would wake me up from the nightmare, but he never did.
i had a fourth dream that may or may not have been a part of my third dream, but i'm not going to mention it here because it has the potential to do harm.
of course, the theme i'm talking about that united all these dreams was anger. but i think there's a bigger, more covert theme as well, and this is a lesson that life has been trying to teach me for awhile now. we cannot (and should not) depend on others to complete our emotional and spiritual lives. that is, we can't allow our emotional and spiritual well-being to be(come) dependent upon the actions of others.
in other news, i am so happy that we have only three full weeks of school left. we have vacation coming up shortly after school ends! and i'm ready to use the summer to work on my master's, as well as to make plans for our next school year. we tested for most of the week last week, and we took a really great field trip yesterday. it was really cool to have nick along, too! =) (i love my hookie pook!) one of the parents unexpectedly bought me an eco-sphere, and i absolutely love it! cephie got a haircut last week. he looks like such a gay little man, too! i love my cephie! i'm going to go bathe him in little bit. i'll post a pic of him and his new haircut soon!
in the meantime, love, me.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
hey, y'all! medication has removed the desire to write from my essence. however, you'll be happy to know that i'm fighting it.
i will be starting work on my master's degree at the end of the month. about this, i am excited. my books arrived last evening, and i've been browsing them. i love what i do, and i love to discover ways to make myself better at it. so, yeah. master's degree! can you believe that shitake? doctorate's next! y'all'll be callin' me dr. ________ before you know it.
(i am an m.i.l.f. - don't you forget!)
i have a new woman friend whom i love. she's very god-like. =)
jesus has recently sent me itunes and for this, i am effing happy! my top 25 psongs follow:
i will be starting work on my master's degree at the end of the month. about this, i am excited. my books arrived last evening, and i've been browsing them. i love what i do, and i love to discover ways to make myself better at it. so, yeah. master's degree! can you believe that shitake? doctorate's next! y'all'll be callin' me dr. ________ before you know it.
(i am an m.i.l.f. - don't you forget!)
i have a new woman friend whom i love. she's very god-like. =)
jesus has recently sent me itunes and for this, i am effing happy! my top 25 psongs follow:
- Feel It [Blunt Edit] - Maya/Tamperer
- Harper Valley P.T.A. - Jeanie C. Riley
- Big Wheel - Tori Amos
- Gary Jules - Donnie Darko - Mad World
- U + Ur Hand - Pink
- On the Radio - Regina Spektor
- Sleeps With Butterflies - Tori Amos
- Back To Black - Amy Winehouse
- Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
- Say It Right - Nelly Furtado
- Bliss - Tori Amos - Tori Amos (Tales of a Librarian: A Tori Amos Collection)
- Bliss - Tori Amos - Tori Amos - To Venus and Back Disc 1
- You Know I'm No Good - Amy Winehouse
- Ode To Billy Joe - Bobbie Gentry
- Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
- Independence Day - Martina McBride
- Where Did You Sleep Last Night? - Nirvana
- Dear God - Sarah Mclachlan
- Don't Bother - Shakira
- La La - Ashlee Simpson
- Easy Silence - Dixie Chicks
- Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence
- Promiscuous Girl - Nelly Furtado
- Pussy Control - Prince
- You Lied - Reba McEntire
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
we're officially some of the gayest people ever! we just spent our saturday evening painting our bathroom, and we're most proud of the perfect stripe running across the walls near the ceiling, but not touching the ceiling. we also bought solar lights for our front "yard". nick did most of the work, but it's the thought that counts. we'll decorate your home, too, for a fee.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
my attraction to fiction is the potential for a world i can control, but i must remember that i cannot ever control the world. the world controls me, and i must submit.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
it's sunday, it's after 4 pm, and i have a shitload of stuff to do for school. i graded a few papers yesterday while at my mom's, but that's been it. like, i'm counting down the weeks until school's over. only 12 weeks to go. i don't know what it is this year, or this part of the year. i love, love, love being a teacher, but i'm feeling a little burned out and in need of a break. spring break's not too far away. yay!
but we didn't schedule our vacation for spring break this year, as we have for the past two years. i really miss having that to look forward to! but we do have our vacation scheduled for early june. we've already made the reservation and paid half. =) 14 weeks from yesterday is check-in day! we're staying in a four-bedroom, three-and-a-half bath, two-story home that was just built in 2005! and we're staying for a whole week! let me show you some pics....
but we didn't schedule our vacation for spring break this year, as we have for the past two years. i really miss having that to look forward to! but we do have our vacation scheduled for early june. we've already made the reservation and paid half. =) 14 weeks from yesterday is check-in day! we're staying in a four-bedroom, three-and-a-half bath, two-story home that was just built in 2005! and we're staying for a whole week! let me show you some pics....
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
i'm not sure if it's spring fever, hormones, diet or that i'm off, but tonite's been really rough. earlier i was sitting in front of my computer when it slowly began to ooze over me. my mind slowed down and a desperate feeling of hopelessness overtook all that i am. tonite i realized there's something concrete that urges some people toward the edge. these feelings have caused others to jump and to flee. experiencing this alone is just wrong, and connection feels so unreachable! i don't want to be this motherfucking isolated. and it's a long motherfucking straight-up fight to be able to breathe the untainted air again. i must discover the antidote.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
maybe one gets to a heaven-like state by being good. for example, i'd think things like being non-judgemental could help a person live a better life simply by avoiding self-avoidance. self-discipline has its obvious perks, too. ...just some shit on which i'm chewing.
i don't know what i did before bojangles! i fucking love that little guy to death! when i get home and let him out of his cage, he jumps up and down on me, quietly screaming, with this cute fucking smile between the poofs of his cruella deville mustache! i love him, love him, love him! we have to start working a little harder on housebreaking, though. apparently he shat on his aunt's bathroom rug last evening.
and i have the best parents this year! there are now about three who i think will probably become life-long friends. and they're (probable) friends who are good for the long haul. they're friend material. no deep crevices they need filled, and they're not going to fill anything for me. and i feel comfortable in my own skin with these people. it's strangely intersting how i came into this community a little by accident. it's almost like fate had it in store for me all along.
i think when you hold out long enough and you look ahead long enough, the right kind of life for you will take care of itself.
i don't know what i did before bojangles! i fucking love that little guy to death! when i get home and let him out of his cage, he jumps up and down on me, quietly screaming, with this cute fucking smile between the poofs of his cruella deville mustache! i love him, love him, love him! we have to start working a little harder on housebreaking, though. apparently he shat on his aunt's bathroom rug last evening.
and i have the best parents this year! there are now about three who i think will probably become life-long friends. and they're (probable) friends who are good for the long haul. they're friend material. no deep crevices they need filled, and they're not going to fill anything for me. and i feel comfortable in my own skin with these people. it's strangely intersting how i came into this community a little by accident. it's almost like fate had it in store for me all along.
i think when you hold out long enough and you look ahead long enough, the right kind of life for you will take care of itself.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
i keep meeting non-pious christians through school, and the doubting part of me keeps wondering if it isn't jesus trying to tell me something.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Sunday, February 18, 2007
i can't stop playing civilization iv! my mom bought it for me last christmas. not this past christmas, but christmas 2005. i haven't been able to play it because of computer issues and when i got those issues fixed, my computer wouldn't support the graphics. this christmas i got nick call of duty 2, and he hadn't been able to play it either because of graphics issues. anway...nick bought a new graphics card last week and he ended up putting it in my computer, and now we can play our games! and since i haven't had to go to school in forever, i've been playing and playing and playing. i think once i've dominated the world, i'll be fine. i'll be able to stop then.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
- i love snow days! we have two more that we're allowed to use before we have to start making them up. i say let's use 'em up this week! =)
- i love fannie flagg! i just finished up her last book that i hadn't read, welcome to the world, baby girl! i recommend it! it's definitely in my top three. i also love can't wait to get to heaven and a redbird christmas. of course, friend green tomatoes at the whistlestop cafe is a classic, too. yeah, i know i just listed four books while talking about my top three.
- i love vacation! we've started planning our vacation for this summer. unfortunately, we're probably not going to get to do much for spring break this year. nick's spring break is a week before mine and our friend, michelle, has used up all her calamity days at school, so she probably doesn't get a spring break. christina can't take vacation during spring break, not that we could get him to go with us anway. but, yeah, i'm looking forward to vacay!
- i frigging love beau! he's so fucking cute and cuddly and funny! we bought him a sweater, a t-shirt and a coat this weekend while we were in columbus. he's asleep on my desk again as i type. ...and moses is so pussyfied that he always runs from him, screaming when beau tries to play. moses elizabeth is certainly our little girl!
Friday, February 09, 2007
We weren't planning on making the new family addition at least until June when I could be here all the time, but we immediately fell in love with this little guy and brought him home. He's an iddy biddy little 2 month-old Morkie, now named Beau. We love him lots, and we know that Molly's around loving the little guy, too. He's lying on my desk right now, curled up in front of the hamster cage. So fuckin' sweet! (I just took a pic, and I'm totally going to post that one as well!) By the way: Morkie = Maltese + Yorkie. =)
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
it's interesting the things that can come to pass over the course of a day, things you never imagine happening today. it's been a marvelous evening. =)
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
i broke up with my therapist tonite. we weren't going anywhere. he wasn't pushing me enough. i'm going to seek out a female. i've always had an easier time with girls anyway. if it weren't for that mess between their legs, i'd be one of the world's best lovers of women.
you are my sweetest downfall
i loved you first, i loved you first
beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
i have to go, i have to go
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
my dreams are never coming true as long as i'm with you. you've never even given any indication that you know what my dreams are.
even if any (or all) of my angst has been illogical, irrational, or completely fucked, you've never shown me that it matters to you what's going on inside my head! you've never ever indicated that you give half a fuck about working together to build a team.
i lie in bed next to you every nite and, as cliche as this phrase is, i may as well be lying next to a motherfucking stranger. there's something wrong when i lie there, searching my mind for just one person with whom i can talk truthfully while you're lying silently right there beside me.
you've never shown any physical interest in hearing me, knowing me, or building a future with me.
and surprise of all surprises, after four fucking years, i'm no more to you than a secret, childish, purposeless relationship held way more than arms' length away from everything real.
i'm tired of being with you because it's easier than making the break. i'm sick and damned tired of just accepting someone else's conclusion that i'm not worthy of being touched, being talked to, being chased after, being loved.
i don't accept your occasional scraps of affection! i'm not numbing myself down anymore just so i can live with the pain of being involved in a completely emotionless relationship when that is an absolutely fucking unacceptable way for me to life my life!
i'm not crying. i'm not attempting to change you. i'm simply saying that, since you're not offering much, my conscience is telling me that i must decline.
now is a time to move forward, to evolve, to accept progress.
even if any (or all) of my angst has been illogical, irrational, or completely fucked, you've never shown me that it matters to you what's going on inside my head! you've never ever indicated that you give half a fuck about working together to build a team.
i lie in bed next to you every nite and, as cliche as this phrase is, i may as well be lying next to a motherfucking stranger. there's something wrong when i lie there, searching my mind for just one person with whom i can talk truthfully while you're lying silently right there beside me.
you've never shown any physical interest in hearing me, knowing me, or building a future with me.
and surprise of all surprises, after four fucking years, i'm no more to you than a secret, childish, purposeless relationship held way more than arms' length away from everything real.
i'm tired of being with you because it's easier than making the break. i'm sick and damned tired of just accepting someone else's conclusion that i'm not worthy of being touched, being talked to, being chased after, being loved.
i don't accept your occasional scraps of affection! i'm not numbing myself down anymore just so i can live with the pain of being involved in a completely emotionless relationship when that is an absolutely fucking unacceptable way for me to life my life!
i'm not crying. i'm not attempting to change you. i'm simply saying that, since you're not offering much, my conscience is telling me that i must decline.
now is a time to move forward, to evolve, to accept progress.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Thursday, January 11, 2007
so, like.... you're reading the blog of an accomplished do'er. i don't know if i had mentioned the original case, but i'll give you my update anyway. i've started seeing a therapist again. it all started more than a month ago, due to symptoms that did not resemble happiness. last nite was my fourth visit, and he basically told me that i need to get off my ass and do something because just talking about it ain't doing shit. and if i didn't do something, our situation was going to end up like the previous.
so, like.... today i made an appointment with a medical doctor. yes, a medical doctor. i haven't seen one of those for a routine inspection probably since i was about in fourth grade. i didn't realize that it was going to be so fucking difficult to get inside. after waiting on hold a few times and being turned down by rude-ass receptionists whose only words were "we're not accepting new patients", i found a nice receptionist who booked me right away for an appointment early next month. it's kind of scary to think about the possibilities, but it also feels good to be taking care of me.
molly helped me see how fragile life can be. she got sick with vomiting and diarrhea the friday after christmas when we left her in her cage for a few hours. on saturday morning, she and i made an emergency trip to the vet because she just wasn't feeling any better. the vet didn't seem concerned. she just said that it was upset stomach, gave me some medication and advised me to try to get her to eat something bland. but she still wasn't getting any better, and we didn't do an emergency page for the vet because of the holiday weekend. then she woke us up screaming on tuesday (january 2) morning, and this time we paged the vet and took her in before 4 am. the vet did everything she could, but couldn't find anything wrong, just symptoms. her kidneys had basically stopped functioning and her glucose level was really low. we got a call around 5 pm that she'd passed away about a half-hour before. molly was less than 2 years old, and she had always been a healthy girl. we have no answers about the cause of her death. it scares me to think about how quickly and abruptly she left us.... it scares me to think about how quickly and abruptly anyone can leave us.
i keep thinking about getting another dog. not to replace molly, but just because i like having a dog around. i'm really leaning toward the maltese breed. we'll probably end up waiting until summer when i can be with him/her all the time. i used to think it a travesty to buy pure breed when there are so many homeless animals out there who're euthanized everyday because they don't have a home. but i'm not sure i want to risk not knowing anything about probable health issues related to genetics again. molly had to have something genetic that gave out. we want to go smaller, too. molly was really too big for apartment life but, dear god, she was loved so much! ...and she is missed so much!
keep it a secret for me because i don't want anyone to think i'm nuts, but sometimes i talk to her. and i imagine seeing her out there in doggie heaven, playing with all her new friends, enjoying herself immensely, but stopping to look over her shoulder at me to see if i really need her when i call her name. i guess i just need to focus on the fact that we really gave her an awesome life for the time she had here on earth. her life certainly could've and probably would've been a lot worse if it weren't for us. we found her as a puppy under a horse trough at my parents'. she was eaten up with fleas, and she was burning up in the hot sun.
another do i've done, as urged by my therapist, is that i've found an address and phone number for my sister. half-sister. for the longest time, i've just wanted to contact her to see if we could have some sort of brotherly-sisterly relationship. growing up, i always wanted a sibling. it just feels good to think that could come true.
i'll have to try really hard to keep this up. because it is i who is responsible for how this life turns out.
yeah. (like regina spektor)
so, like.... today i made an appointment with a medical doctor. yes, a medical doctor. i haven't seen one of those for a routine inspection probably since i was about in fourth grade. i didn't realize that it was going to be so fucking difficult to get inside. after waiting on hold a few times and being turned down by rude-ass receptionists whose only words were "we're not accepting new patients", i found a nice receptionist who booked me right away for an appointment early next month. it's kind of scary to think about the possibilities, but it also feels good to be taking care of me.
molly helped me see how fragile life can be. she got sick with vomiting and diarrhea the friday after christmas when we left her in her cage for a few hours. on saturday morning, she and i made an emergency trip to the vet because she just wasn't feeling any better. the vet didn't seem concerned. she just said that it was upset stomach, gave me some medication and advised me to try to get her to eat something bland. but she still wasn't getting any better, and we didn't do an emergency page for the vet because of the holiday weekend. then she woke us up screaming on tuesday (january 2) morning, and this time we paged the vet and took her in before 4 am. the vet did everything she could, but couldn't find anything wrong, just symptoms. her kidneys had basically stopped functioning and her glucose level was really low. we got a call around 5 pm that she'd passed away about a half-hour before. molly was less than 2 years old, and she had always been a healthy girl. we have no answers about the cause of her death. it scares me to think about how quickly and abruptly she left us.... it scares me to think about how quickly and abruptly anyone can leave us.
i keep thinking about getting another dog. not to replace molly, but just because i like having a dog around. i'm really leaning toward the maltese breed. we'll probably end up waiting until summer when i can be with him/her all the time. i used to think it a travesty to buy pure breed when there are so many homeless animals out there who're euthanized everyday because they don't have a home. but i'm not sure i want to risk not knowing anything about probable health issues related to genetics again. molly had to have something genetic that gave out. we want to go smaller, too. molly was really too big for apartment life but, dear god, she was loved so much! ...and she is missed so much!
keep it a secret for me because i don't want anyone to think i'm nuts, but sometimes i talk to her. and i imagine seeing her out there in doggie heaven, playing with all her new friends, enjoying herself immensely, but stopping to look over her shoulder at me to see if i really need her when i call her name. i guess i just need to focus on the fact that we really gave her an awesome life for the time she had here on earth. her life certainly could've and probably would've been a lot worse if it weren't for us. we found her as a puppy under a horse trough at my parents'. she was eaten up with fleas, and she was burning up in the hot sun.
another do i've done, as urged by my therapist, is that i've found an address and phone number for my sister. half-sister. for the longest time, i've just wanted to contact her to see if we could have some sort of brotherly-sisterly relationship. growing up, i always wanted a sibling. it just feels good to think that could come true.
i'll have to try really hard to keep this up. because it is i who is responsible for how this life turns out.
yeah. (like regina spektor)
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Monday, January 01, 2007
well, all that is 2006 should be banded together in a neat little stack now, filed away to be pulled out when we think of the year that has just passed forever more. i think that, for me, 2006 was a good year, a year of tremendous growth. i learned a lot about character and, with professional confirmation, i've accepted my appraisal of what a friend is not.
we celebrated last evening with an apartment full of true friends, and we laughed at plenty. now, with our souls facing forward, we're moving into the future with the best of intentions for living a life full of love to its absolute fullest.
we celebrated last evening with an apartment full of true friends, and we laughed at plenty. now, with our souls facing forward, we're moving into the future with the best of intentions for living a life full of love to its absolute fullest.
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