progress

my dreams are never coming true as long as i'm with you. you've never even given any indication that you know what my dreams are.

even if any (or all) of my angst has been illogical, irrational, or completely fucked, you've never shown me that it matters to you what's going on inside my head! you've never ever indicated that you give half a fuck about working together to build a team.

i lie in bed next to you every nite and, as cliche as this phrase is, i may as well be lying next to a motherfucking stranger. there's something wrong when i lie there, searching my mind for just one person with whom i can talk truthfully while you're lying silently right there beside me.

you've never shown any physical interest in hearing me, knowing me, or building a future with me.

and surprise of all surprises, after four fucking years, i'm no more to you than a secret, childish, purposeless relationship held way more than arms' length away from everything real.

i'm tired of being with you because it's easier than making the break. i'm sick and damned tired of just accepting someone else's conclusion that i'm not worthy of being touched, being talked to, being chased after, being loved.

i don't accept your occasional scraps of affection! i'm not numbing myself down anymore just so i can live with the pain of being involved in a completely emotionless relationship when that is an absolutely fucking unacceptable way for me to life my life!

i'm not crying. i'm not attempting to change you. i'm simply saying that, since you're not offering much, my conscience is telling me that i must decline.

now is a time to move forward, to evolve, to accept progress.