a dream tha's not happening

i woke up not long ago, and there's a dream i had that's still very fresh in my mind. because of its relevance, not totally because of its content. i dreamed that i had the opportunity to find him again and to contact him. i did, and we talked. i asked him why, and his response was that it was mostly the mother of his son that convinced him it was the right thing to do. he has a son? yup. forget the deceit that would have been involved in such a transgression. it's someone else's ability to have a natural family that really fucked with my mind. i begged him to come see me. only if i'd stop being so emotional. okay. he said he'd come monday. he didn't.

i dunno.... it's the bullshit we face in society as gay men. not gay women. gay women are women. they're fine. they're acceptable. but jesus fucking christ, there's no community support, no LEGAL support, no "NATURAL" support to fucking hold two men together, no matter how much you love!!! i'm so motherfucking sick of hiding! i'm so motherfucking sick of the LAW OF OUR COUNTRY not protecting me like it does everyone else (and yet i'm still expected to pledge my alligiance?)! i'm sick of bible thumping retarded fucks who can pick up enough religion only to hate! i'm so fucking sick of bible thumping retards who can never seem to look into a goddamned motherfucking mirror! if jesus were god-like, if there were a god who gave a shit, i cannot imagine him/her/it putting up with this shit for so mother fucking long!? why the hell would you allow so much EVIL to continue in YOUR NAME??????