do'er
0
so, like.... you're reading the blog of an accomplished do'er. i don't know if i had mentioned the original case, but i'll give you my update anyway. i've started seeing a therapist again. it all started more than a month ago, due to symptoms that did not resemble happiness. last nite was my fourth visit, and he basically told me that i need to get off my ass and do something because just talking about it ain't doing shit. and if i didn't do something, our situation was going to end up like the previous.
so, like.... today i made an appointment with a medical doctor. yes, a medical doctor. i haven't seen one of those for a routine inspection probably since i was about in fourth grade. i didn't realize that it was going to be so fucking difficult to get inside. after waiting on hold a few times and being turned down by rude-ass receptionists whose only words were "we're not accepting new patients", i found a nice receptionist who booked me right away for an appointment early next month. it's kind of scary to think about the possibilities, but it also feels good to be taking care of me.
molly helped me see how fragile life can be. she got sick with vomiting and diarrhea the friday after christmas when we left her in her cage for a few hours. on saturday morning, she and i made an emergency trip to the vet because she just wasn't feeling any better. the vet didn't seem concerned. she just said that it was upset stomach, gave me some medication and advised me to try to get her to eat something bland. but she still wasn't getting any better, and we didn't do an emergency page for the vet because of the holiday weekend. then she woke us up screaming on tuesday (january 2) morning, and this time we paged the vet and took her in before 4 am. the vet did everything she could, but couldn't find anything wrong, just symptoms. her kidneys had basically stopped functioning and her glucose level was really low. we got a call around 5 pm that she'd passed away about a half-hour before. molly was less than 2 years old, and she had always been a healthy girl. we have no answers about the cause of her death. it scares me to think about how quickly and abruptly she left us.... it scares me to think about how quickly and abruptly anyone can leave us.
i keep thinking about getting another dog. not to replace molly, but just because i like having a dog around. i'm really leaning toward the maltese breed. we'll probably end up waiting until summer when i can be with him/her all the time. i used to think it a travesty to buy pure breed when there are so many homeless animals out there who're euthanized everyday because they don't have a home. but i'm not sure i want to risk not knowing anything about probable health issues related to genetics again. molly had to have something genetic that gave out. we want to go smaller, too. molly was really too big for apartment life but, dear god, she was loved so much! ...and she is missed so much!
keep it a secret for me because i don't want anyone to think i'm nuts, but sometimes i talk to her. and i imagine seeing her out there in doggie heaven, playing with all her new friends, enjoying herself immensely, but stopping to look over her shoulder at me to see if i really need her when i call her name. i guess i just need to focus on the fact that we really gave her an awesome life for the time she had here on earth. her life certainly could've and probably would've been a lot worse if it weren't for us. we found her as a puppy under a horse trough at my parents'. she was eaten up with fleas, and she was burning up in the hot sun.
another do i've done, as urged by my therapist, is that i've found an address and phone number for my sister. half-sister. for the longest time, i've just wanted to contact her to see if we could have some sort of brotherly-sisterly relationship. growing up, i always wanted a sibling. it just feels good to think that could come true.
i'll have to try really hard to keep this up. because it is i who is responsible for how this life turns out.
yeah. (like regina spektor)
so, like.... today i made an appointment with a medical doctor. yes, a medical doctor. i haven't seen one of those for a routine inspection probably since i was about in fourth grade. i didn't realize that it was going to be so fucking difficult to get inside. after waiting on hold a few times and being turned down by rude-ass receptionists whose only words were "we're not accepting new patients", i found a nice receptionist who booked me right away for an appointment early next month. it's kind of scary to think about the possibilities, but it also feels good to be taking care of me.
molly helped me see how fragile life can be. she got sick with vomiting and diarrhea the friday after christmas when we left her in her cage for a few hours. on saturday morning, she and i made an emergency trip to the vet because she just wasn't feeling any better. the vet didn't seem concerned. she just said that it was upset stomach, gave me some medication and advised me to try to get her to eat something bland. but she still wasn't getting any better, and we didn't do an emergency page for the vet because of the holiday weekend. then she woke us up screaming on tuesday (january 2) morning, and this time we paged the vet and took her in before 4 am. the vet did everything she could, but couldn't find anything wrong, just symptoms. her kidneys had basically stopped functioning and her glucose level was really low. we got a call around 5 pm that she'd passed away about a half-hour before. molly was less than 2 years old, and she had always been a healthy girl. we have no answers about the cause of her death. it scares me to think about how quickly and abruptly she left us.... it scares me to think about how quickly and abruptly anyone can leave us.
i keep thinking about getting another dog. not to replace molly, but just because i like having a dog around. i'm really leaning toward the maltese breed. we'll probably end up waiting until summer when i can be with him/her all the time. i used to think it a travesty to buy pure breed when there are so many homeless animals out there who're euthanized everyday because they don't have a home. but i'm not sure i want to risk not knowing anything about probable health issues related to genetics again. molly had to have something genetic that gave out. we want to go smaller, too. molly was really too big for apartment life but, dear god, she was loved so much! ...and she is missed so much!
keep it a secret for me because i don't want anyone to think i'm nuts, but sometimes i talk to her. and i imagine seeing her out there in doggie heaven, playing with all her new friends, enjoying herself immensely, but stopping to look over her shoulder at me to see if i really need her when i call her name. i guess i just need to focus on the fact that we really gave her an awesome life for the time she had here on earth. her life certainly could've and probably would've been a lot worse if it weren't for us. we found her as a puppy under a horse trough at my parents'. she was eaten up with fleas, and she was burning up in the hot sun.
another do i've done, as urged by my therapist, is that i've found an address and phone number for my sister. half-sister. for the longest time, i've just wanted to contact her to see if we could have some sort of brotherly-sisterly relationship. growing up, i always wanted a sibling. it just feels good to think that could come true.
i'll have to try really hard to keep this up. because it is i who is responsible for how this life turns out.
yeah. (like regina spektor)
More about the phenomenal author
I don't know how to get over someone as dangerous, tainted, and flawed as you. You're screwed up and brilliant, look like a million dollar man. So why is my heart broke?
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