talking it all out. (period)

like, i cannot decide if the bad habits of others constitute a reason to change the rhythm of my day. back in the old days when i lived with my parents, it used to bug the hell out of me when they did nothing. i'd get out of bed and they'd just be sitting there, staring at the walls. i'd come home from school and they'd just be sitting there, staring at the walls. i'd come to the kitchen to get a bedtime snack and they'd just be sitting there, staring at the walls. i used to blame them for my lack of movement. it's difficult to be motivated to do crap when those around you don't do anything.

i woke this morning with that nervous tension, like i needed to do something. and i do. my personality's not a sit-around-and-waste-your-life-away personality. even though i've done plenty of it. it hasn't set well on my thighs and mid-section. actually, my thighs are fine(ish). it's more or less my mid-section. and stuff. i don't like it.

like, it bugs the motherfuck out of me when people don't do the little things that need to be done but prefer, instead, to concentrate on entertaining themselves. especially when they leave the little stuff (like feeding the goddamned fish) for everyfuckingbodyelse to do! i don't understand why people have such low self-esteem that all they can concentrate on is being touched or doing some touching, no matter how deadly those touches could be. nothing gets done. we're not going anywhere that way. i don't understand how people don't want to make each day better than the last.

but i also know that focusing this goddamned much of my energy on people leaves me with not a lot for myself. is it more "wrong" in the big picture just to focus on one's self or to focus on the beings that surround?

i mean those around you make your life what it is to a large degree, right? so what's the problem? i guess my problem has been not integrating the discipline into my life, since i'm the one who's in charge of this one, miniscule part of the universe. therefore, it's my job to lift, not to bog down.

surrender, then start your engines; you'll know quite soon what my mistake was.

from above: "we're not going anywhere that way." notice the me in that sentence? therefore, it's cause for concern.

argh! argh! argh! explain it to me, ice cream assassin!