my mouth can't just stay shut!

the three of us were having a lovely evening, making the curtains you see here. then we started on placemats. unfortunately, in the middle of all this, someone pissed me the fuck off! goddammit all to hell!

okay, so i had a weak moment a few days ago. i reminisced about the good days in a friendship gone straight to hell. and now that he's played all the other cards fucktards keep giving him, he thinks he's going to play me by saying, "I do miss you and do still love you even though people say i'm crazy for it. but thats nothing unusual, people say i'm crazy anyway." wow! he sho' know how to woo a girl, don't he?

okay. so first of all, i wouldn't recommend you for a relationship with a fucking weasel, let alone someone i care about. if you really fucking cared about him, you'd concentrate on being the wonderful kind of person he deserves to have in his life, instead of fucking playing games!

and i have to wonder if all the fantastic people out there would think it "mean-spirited" of YOU when you say that you'd have no problem "decking" me? nah! you've had such a hard life, all at the hands of everyone else other than yourself. by the way, those are the kinds of fucktards who don't really have any effect on me when they say stuff like, "you're crazy for loving him." those are the kinds of fucktards who sway in the breeze, along with every little lie you utter. they aren't friends or even people who really, truly, honestly care about good things happening to people; they're the people who think life should simply be a series of uncomplicated events. i know life's not easy. i don't want my life to be easy. i want my life to matter and to be worth something. therefore, i know things are going to get complicated.

in any case i do love you, and i don't think i'm crazy for it. i love you in that i want the very best for you. i want your life to matter. i want you to know what it feels like to be paid for a job well-done. i want you to know what it feels like to OWN the knowledge that you're capable of taking care of yourself! i want you to know what it feels like to move forward in a positive direction with your own self in charge of what happens to you. i want you to understand that relationship doesn't equal manipulation. i want you to wake up with a smile on your face every day, because you're waking up in the same bed with the person who cares for you more than anyone could ever care for you: you!

and the process of getting there's not easy. it's not going to be as easy as telling lies to someone's family in hopes that they'll win him back for you. it's not going to be as easy as "not taking no for an answer." it's not going to be as easy as threatening suicide.

i really do wish the best for you. maybe someday we can be friends again when those people who think you're crazy stop telling you lies and you take charge of your own life.