More Hot Photos

Here's a pic I took with my new camera. It's the "view" from our bedroom window. Fascinating, aye?

This is our big, beautiful Christmas tree. Ain't she a doll? Continue reading →

Thoughts

Driving home, an automatic puzzle unfolded before me. My long-term thoughts of self-doubt were sucked through the ventilation system and left lying there on the highway, being pummeled by tire after tire. I know who I am, and I know who I've been. Standards are marvelous. For you, for me. The right words won't come but, when they do, I hope you take them to heart. (If they apply, of course.) Continue reading →

Pics

=) Do-dad let me take her pic. Sorta.



And here's Frog, since I haven't posted him in awhile. Continue reading →

i kinda need to p, but it's kinda like i don't want to get up.

when you want it, it goes away too fast
times you hate it, it always seems to last
just remember when you think you're free,
the crack inside your fuckin' heart is me Continue reading →

Pictures

Spaghetti Sauce, who makes it difficult to take a good pic, since she's so fucking scared of lights.


Neat, cartoonish pic of Elizabeth.


My big, gay afghan I've been crocheting... Continue reading →

i got money now

there's a boy in my class who comes from an absolutely horrible home. i know that's, sadly, not very uncommon. it's not that there's consistent physical abuse, or any physical abuse as far as i can tell. the family is just oblivious to what it's like to lead anything remotely close to a positive existence. the boy has no guidance, no structure, no discipline, no love. he has no positive role models in his family, and he spends so much time trying to get people to like him. and this usually comes out in a way that makes people completley dislike him!

today when my class came back from math, all the kids were telling me about how well he'd done in math. they kept telling him over and over that they were proud of him. i just felt so fucking good to see all my kids encouraging his good behavior and all his effort because people usually ignore the positive and focus on the negative. after all the kids had left, i was talking with the math teacher and i completely started to tear up. i was thanking her for absolutely rocking this kid's world! he so very much deserves it! everyone deserves to feel they're special and wanted. kids especially need this! it was so cool just to feel all the positive energy! we all have so much we can learn from kids! this is why i love being a teacher!

in other news.... =) i've taken up crochet. it's one of the gayest things i've ever done, but i completely love it! it's actually something i've always wanted to do. when i was really young, my mom bought me some yarn and a hook, but i couldn't really do much.... a few weeks ago, nick and i were in a hobby store and i kept toying with the idea of trying it again. with a little encouragement, i bought a book, some yarn and a hook. i played around for a bit and got the hang of it. i made a glasses case and dish towels. i'm currently working on a huge afghan. it's really cool to watch it grow.

and i have to tell you that my favorite cd at the moment is pink's i'm not dead. i love her! i love her songs! i love her messages! somewhere inside me, there's someone similar. my current favorite song from the album is "i got money now". love it, love it, love it!!!

pay it forward. Continue reading →

sigh. Continue reading →

summing it all up

way back when i was a college student, i sat with one of my education professors in her office, and we discussed students' lives. the memory that sticks with me is when she mentioned that her step-daughter, who's now an adult, has no self-esteem because her father never once in her life put her before himself.

"if you find someone who will love you for who you are, someone who'll take the good with the bad, the ups with the downs, the sadness, the joy, the insecurity with the ego, someone who'll love you, treat you good and respect you, no matter what their age, color or gender, you will have the whole world in the palm of your hand."

sometimes you just don't get what you want. the end. Continue reading →

laying blame

I would like to salute the two moms of the student who attends my small-town school in rural Ohio. I commend you because you’re brave enough to blaze the trail for those who’ll never know that, because of you, they’re living an easier version of what could have been very difficult lives. Your bravery is preventing at least one future torturesome remark from turning into a young person’s serious consideration of suicide over living a life in a biased society. I am in awe of your commitment to doing your part to make this world a better place. I just pray that I can move close to being as virtuous as you are in my lifetime.

Sometimes I hear my voice, and it’s been here—silent all these years. Continue reading →

the happy golden years

i miss this. out of all the times of my life, it's that one i miss the most. real world: new orleans is still the best one. jose gold would still be my booze of choice. skipping class, drinking until puking, and being free with my thoughts are still some of my most-preferred activities. i miss jule and marcy and all them other good folk i used to hang out with! goddammit, i don't know who the fuck i am these days! what the fuck is it with this growing up shit? these days it's not easy not to do what i'm supposed to do. Continue reading →

Fucking Fuck

"Long Way to Happy"
by Pink

One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Do you know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

Now I'm numb as hell and I can't feel a thing
But don't worry about regret or guilt cause I never knew your name
I just want to thank you
Thank you
From the bottem of my heart
For all the sleepless nights
And for tearing me apart yeah yeah

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long, long, long, long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy Continue reading →

great

it's so hard to love when love was your great disappointment. Continue reading →

okay, girls. the weather's been awesome lately. fall's my new favorite season, even though winter's just around the corner.

i found two lovelies on amazon.com this morning. they're great gift ideas, if you want to buy me something for jesus's birthday, and if i haven't already bought them myself by that time. number 1. (Ha, ha, ha!) 0

9/23/2006 12:23:00 PM

This is the most fun I've had in awhile! Continue reading →

can't wait to get to heaven

i finished up can't wait to get to heaven last nite. i totally suggest it! it's a wonderful book that makes you feel all gooey inside. i think it helped me look forward to lying down in the evenings for reading time. there's no reason you'd have to read the prequel, standing inside the rainbow, first.

now i must go touch myself and stuff.

i used to be so hott. Continue reading →

the weekend

i was sooo happy just because yesterday was friday. we're at the point in the school year when the kids start being comfortable with their new teachers, and the teachers are feeling like they're getting to know their new students. the first few weeks of school are always a bit shaky because, for most of these kids, i'm the first male teacher they've ever had, so they're, like, scared of me. now they see that i'm not the dominator, things are starting to get a little more laid back in the classroom. and i appreciate it. and i've just had enough school in my life to begin appreciating the time i'm not at school.

it was a perfect early autumn afternoon when i pulled out of the parking lot at school. i drove home with my windows down, listening to some really cool music. it was quite the enjoyable experience because everything has been going wonderfully at school. and the temperature was perfect!

then i got home, and a couple things sparked some thoughtitude. but in reality, it was only one thing - small to some, i'm sure - that really burnt my biscuits.

i need to design my life so everyday, all day, ends up like the day described at the beginning of this post. =) and some choices must be made. Continue reading →

living it

today i thought i'm living my dream. for the longest time, becoming a teacher was so important to me. and now i am a teacher. and i love being a teacher. i'm proud of being a teacher. i'm proud to be an elementary teacher in the public school system.

but there's more i want to reach for. i want a home of my own. i want a child. children would be better, just because being an only child has its pitfalls. i'm going to adopt a baby girl from china. in moses's lifetime. her name's going to be evelyn elizabeth. we'll either call her evie or lizzie.

that's the direction i'm headed. Continue reading →

from under the pink

i wish tori and i were talking about the same thing.

number one is don't touch my shit when you don't have permission to do so. and you don't. so don't. and don't goddamned make it so fucking obvious.

maybe i've been a little upset about our non-evolving friendship.

you look at others as beauty without end, so why can't you do that for yourself?

i saw that i already knew that if you feel it, you need to deal with it. oprah.

it's sad that adults lie to themselves so easily.

i wish the world's population (probably especially here in the good ole USA) understood the simple fact that life ain't easy. pills don't make it easy. pills don't make you happy. you make that call, motherfucker.

they prescribe medicine so motherfucking easily because it's about money.

money equals power. that's what man-kind has been questing for since s/he first took in air.

kids are the world's future. they're not extensions of their over-bearing parents. i'm sick of parents who don't understand that fucking shit. i'm sick of parents who make excuses, not boundaries. i'm sick of parents who don't realize they're raising an individual. i'm sick of families being so goddamned tribal.

i'm sick of people who don't want something better for themselves. because it's work. and, god bless it, no one should have to work. forget the fucking fact that the world'll stop spinning if we all stop working.

i hate and i hate everything about you.

i want:

• to be encased in a plastic box with shades that are encased between the double panes.
• peace
• love
• challenge
• life
• family
• family
• family
• family

i'm disappointed at the direction this world is going.

i love and respect my new colleague because she owns her actions. she is in charge. she's the one at the helm. she chooses.

it's not some magical, ellusive chance.

i'm tired of "home" being used in a totally different context.

i'm fucking sick of "poor me". Continue reading →

Molly's Cooch

Continue reading →

mad world

i awoke this morning around the time nick got up for work, and it wasn't easy to get back to sleep. my mind kept complaining about some things other people do...or don't do. i had a hard time getting back into a good sleep.

then after i got out of bed this afternoon, i feel depressed. i feel depressed, i think, because life as i want it isn't in the foreseeable future. i want an evolving home life. i want friends around, family around. i want productive things to occupy my time. i want to take advantage of the life i have. i want to be a part of the larger community.

i'm excited for school to start, but i'm a little worried that i won't be as good as the new teacher. i'm worried that school, for me, is an excuse: it's artificial meaning; it's a substitution for a happy home.

the other new teacher really isn't new. she's finished the year last year as a long-term sub for one of the other teachers who reproduced. last year she whined about whether or not they were going to give her the full-time job. and the times i've talked to her this summer, she's complained about not being "into it". she doesn't know where to start. she doesn't know how to decorate her room. she doesn't know what to do on the first day, the first minute. like, i completely don't get it. i'm sick of her already. she keeps saying that when you have kids, blah, blah, blah, and that i don't understand because i don't have kids. last nite i came thisclose to going off on her. i told her that when she's at school, she's a teacher. when she's at home, she's a parent. and she has no.... she's retarded. she imparts no structure with her class and then she fucking cries in the teacher's lounge after school (no kidding) because her class is so fucking out of control!

i loathe people who don't reach for something better. Continue reading →